Tattoo

Nearly three years ago, I got my first tattoo, to the presumed disgust of my late husband, Steve.  I think he would have been disgusted because in our 26 years of marriage he made it clear that he did not approve of "body art."  I can recall during that time, singing in his choir, agreeing with him, saying. "I would never get a tattoo.  They are so disgusting."  Hmmmmm.  Now I recall Steve saying, "Never say never.  Never is a long time."  That one saying of his resonates with me much louder than his disaproval over body art.  Funny how one big turn of events in one's life can change an opinion, a perspective, or a direction.  That first tattoo was carefully thought out, planned, and designed.  I even had a good friend accompany me during the process.  It is a Celtic cross, very similar to the one on Steve's gravestone---a perfect tribute to him, my marriage to him, and at the same time, a nod to our heritage.  I had it placed on my lower back,.  The whole process was a positive one.  I selected the same tattoo studio that my late brother had used.  It is a long-time establishment that is clean and highly rated.  My artist, Andy, from Philly, is fabulous.  He made me feel at ease that first time.  It was relatively painless.  His artwork blew me away!  Four more pieces followed after that by Andy, which is a testament to his artistry and to the studio's professionalism.

Recenty, in the last eight months, I began to experience a lot of lower back, hip, and leg pain--so much that I could not at times even walk up stairs or walk for any distance without pain. I could not engage in my passion--running, without experiencing intense back, glute, and leg pain.  I was afraid to go on any road bike rides with my local bike club out of fear of experiencing intense pain.  I was miserable at work, especially on field trips that involved walking or stairs.  I missed more work than I ever had because of the pain.  Finally, after six months of repeated visits to doctors, a masseuse, a physical therapist, and a sports chiropractor, it was finally determined through an MRI that I had a synovial cyst and a herniated disc between L4 and L5.  I was fortunate to have the chief of spinal surgery, the chief of anesthesia at Kaiser San Jose, and the best surgical team one could hope for! 

So how did the tattoo fare during the surgery?  My mother warned me that the tattoo would probably take a real beating and this was going to be Steve's way of getting back at me for the tattoo he would never have approved.  I just replied, "Oh well, it'll just be the 'Old Rugged Cross'"--also the name of an old  familiar Christian hymn Steve most likely sang as a kid.  Just a few minutes before I went into surgery, the spine surgeon spoke with me for some final discussion.  I told him about my tattoo and asked if he would be cutting into it.  He looked at it and said, "Yes.....That is really nice......Does it have any significance?"  I replied, "Yes.....my husband died three years ago and this is just like the cross on his gravestone.....it is in his honor....."  The surgeon's eyes filled with tears.  His voice was somber and sincere, "I am so sorry......Really.......I am so sorry........We will do our best......Really......."  And then there were some last minute exchanges that are usual prior to a surgery and we were off to the surgery room.  I still remember the surgeon being so comforting and reassuring just before the surgery as he was introducing the surgery team .  Before I knew it, I was looking up at him, asking him when the team was going to begin.  He replied, "Begin?  We are finished!"  Hooray!

Therein followed days and even weeks of how my tattoo fared the incisions from the surgery.  Of course, my main concern was the internal progress and ongoing healing from the surgery.  Little by little, family and friends looked at the tattoo and commented, "Hey, it doesn't look too bad!"  Even my father, an old salt from the Navy, but an anomaly who never let ink or needle touch his paddy skin, said that it looked good.  Now over four weeks out, my family and friends tell me that they cannot even tell there was surgery there.  My mother said that it looks like a plastic surgeon had a hand in this.  The tattoo looks untouched.  The nurse who took the stitches out said that "If you have a tattoo, the stitching and scar usually end up looking better than if you didn't have a tattoo---they tend to do a better job."   I think that little conversation between the surgeon and me had a lot of influence on the results.  He seemed to really respect and care for the meaning that cross holds for me.  The cross is not rugged.  It is smooth and strong.  It withstood the trauma with grace.  I would like to think that cross tattoo is symbolic of me.