Kindred Spirits and Unspoken Words

I walked into the room.  Several tables were draped with crisp linen, with colorful summertime bouquets and lit candles atop.  A large framed photo of a strong, strapping man along with several other smaller photos, his FAA inspector badge, his pilot log books, old newspaper clippings, models of airplanes, and a guestbook lined a long table.  The big flat-screen television flashed photos that summed up a life that had ended unexpectedly.  The widow turned my way, her eyes fixed upon mine.  Her grief was new and raw.  It was as if the rest of the world had temporarily stood still and frozen.  We walked up to one another, our eyes and our embrace communicated more than any words could possibly say.  I whispered, "I am so sorry."  She said, "You know."  "Yes," I replied, "I get it."  Nothing more needed to be said, at least through spoken words. 

Widows have a special connection.  Some may say we are on the same page.  Others will say we "get it."  Those of us who are farther along in our grief journey understand the shock, disbelief, confusion, and pain all too well.  We understand because we have lived it.  We continue to live it.  It is real to us.  Those who have not lost a life partner cannot possibly fathom what it is like.  They do not "get it."  They can't.  They haven't lived it. They haven't experienced it.  The newly widowed are treading water in a vast ocean of uncertainty, fear, vulnerability, and gut-wrenching grief.  They need someone who has been there to extend a hand that conveys understanding, comfort, and hope that will help pull them out of  the depths of dispair, or at least help them remain afloat.  And yes, those who haven't walked in our shoes can certainly be a source of love and support.  But it is only those of us in exclusive membership of this loathsome club who can stand as living proof that survival is possible and real.

Almost two days later after the celebration of her late husband's life, I keep thinking about my colleague so freshly new to widowhood.  I feel so much sadness for her.  I know the days, months, and years ahead will be hard for her.  I know she will miss the man she loved.  I know the hard work that stands before her, the hard work of grief and redefining herself in this new chapter of her life.