The Don't Get Its

Well over three years on this journey I am still amazed at some comments I hear from friends and acquaintenances.  I'm not talking about the innocent references from my married friends concerning my single status, being "manless," or not having to "put up" with negotiating decisions on home improvement projects, finances, or vacations with a spouse.  I am not that thin-skinned.  Walk on eggshells around me?  No need for that.  I am proud of and comfortable with who I have become.  I am secure with who I am.  I see my independence as an asset.  Sure, I would have rather have not become widowed, but as a result of it I have changed for the better.

I was recently caught by surprise when a friend told me that I was very unpleasant to be around during the first couple of years of my widow journey.  I was told that I was angry then.  I was told that I wasn't any fun to be around.  Really?  No shit!  Since when are the newly widowed, who are shocked beyond the realm of reality, raw in the very depths of grief, experiencing the deepest, darkest hell of their lives, supposed to be perky, bubbly, and fun? My response was a very calm, "Yes, and rightfully so." In the world of widowhood we often say,  "DGI--don't get it," when we hear something like this.  What was said was true.  What I don't get is why this even had to be said.  Duh!  Of course I was angry.  Of course I wasn't a lot of fun.  Tell me something I don't know.  Perhaps this was said more for the benefit of the messenger.  Don't get me wrong.  Deep down I believe my friend was well-intentioned, but on the surface the comment was like nails on a chalkboard to my ears.  The conversation continued amicably as does the friendship.  I'm going to chalk this comment up to being human and a case of DGI.

Yes, my how I've changed.  Good thing this wasn't said three years ago!  This journey has made me more forgiving with those who matter in my life and less tolerant of those who don't.  And so my friends, you do not need to tip-toe around me.  If you do say something that you later feel awkward or embarassed about, just let me know.  I always appreciate your consideration for my feelings even though I am not as sensitive as you may think.